Funny Short About Never Getting Anything Done but Being Super Busy
A man runs into a doctors office screaming: "You've gotta help me doc! I'm shrinking!"
The doctor says: "I'm sorry sir I'm very busy today. You'll have to be a little patient."
A young couple is out carousing one evening...(could be repost)
While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off your clothes?" She agrees and he begins to speed up.
When the spedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car. The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. "Go get help," he pleads.
She replies, "I can't, I'm naked."
He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says "Cover yourself with that and go get help." She takes the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station down the road.
When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "Help! Help! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and replies, "I'm sorry Miss. He's too far in."
My boss phoned me today...
My boss phoned me today. He said
"Is everything OK at the office?"
I said "It is all under control.
" It's been a very busy day. I haven't stopped to take
a break all day."
"Can you do me a favor" he asked.
I said "Of course, What is it?"
"Pick up the pace a little. I'm in the
foursome behind you."
New Old House
While carpenters were busy working outside the old house I just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workers came in and asked to use the washroom. I looked at his muddy boots and said "Just wait a second, Ill grab some newspapers"
"That's alright lady," he responded, "I'm already trained."
A trucker and a blonde.
A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman's car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.
"Don't you dare set foot outside this circle," the trucker orders.
He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman's car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman's car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.
"I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!" The trucker shouts.
The blonde replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store
Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store...
As they were busy looking around,
doctor stole 3 chocolate bars...
As they left the store, doctor said to Engineer :
"Man! I'm the best thief ever,
I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can't beat that"
Engineer replied: "You wanna see something better? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"
So they went to the counter and Engineer said to the Shop boy:
"Do you wanna see magic..?"
The Shop boy replied: "Yes..!!!"
Engineer said: "Give me one chocolate bar!"
The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it...
He asked for the second, and he ate that as well..
He asked for the third, and finished that one too...
The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic..?"
Engineer replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them..!!!"
Southwest
A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "yes she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."
The Irishman's parking space
An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.
He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."
Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."
So this wealthy lawyer parks his Rolls-Royce on a busy street
and as he opens his door, a truck come screaming by and tears off the car door. The guy jumps out and yells, "My car! My beautiful car!" and a man standing nearby says, "you pig, you're so worried about your expensive car that you didn't even notice that your arm's missing too!" Hearing that, the lawyer yells, "Oh God, my Rolex!"
Man finds a Genie in a bottle
Man walking along the beach finds a bottle, opens it, out pops a Genie
"Ok, great you found me and all but im busy and you get One Wish. Take it or leave it"
"Well, jeez, I always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate flying, and I get sea Sick. How bout a highway from San Francisco to Hawaii"
"Are you nuts? Do you know how long a bridge that would be? How deep the pylons would go? Why the Engineering alone would be a Monumental undertaking....Pick something else, pick something else"
"Ok, I want to understand Women"
"So you want this to be a Two or Four lane highway?"
I'm busy masturbating when my friend texts me "What's up?"
With my free hand I text "Nuttin'"
You can explore busy keeping blondes busy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean busy idiot dad jokes. There are also busy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I told the doctor I had to see him right away because I thought I was shrinking
He told me he was busy and that I'd have to be a little patient
A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks
A dwarf that loves to joke goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks.
I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
How do you keep a blonde busy for years?
Tell her to count the stairs on an escalator.
Why do only 9/10 dentists recommend Crest toothpaste?
The last dentist is busy killing a lion
I was in in the public restroom
I was in in the public restroom
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:
"Hi, how are you?"
Me: (embarrassed) "Doin' fine!"
Stall: "So what are you up to?"
Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."
Stall: "Can I come over?"
Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!"
Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!
An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband...
An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband to lean in, and whispers, "I'm sorry, forgive me..
in the chest in the attic is one million two hundred thousand dollars and five cents.. I earned it hooking, while you were busy working your entire life."
The husband is mad, but forgives her, and asks, "but which cheapskate gave you the nickel?"
She replies, "They all did."
Credit goes to u/umm_umm_
Why don't dead people sneeze?
Because they're too busy coffin.
It's 2023, a child asks her father "how did Donald Trump get elected?"
".....that was the year all the adults were busy coloring."
My ex-gf invited me to her wedding
Told her I was busy, will be there next time
It's going to be a busy couple of months for Caitlyn Jenner
Mothers' Day and then Fathers' Day
How many Police Officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, they were too busy beating up the room for being black.
I was in the public toilets today and as I sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi, how are you?".
Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine".
The voice said "So what are you up to?".
I said, "Just doing the same as you - sitting here!
He said "Can I come over?".
Annoyed, I say "I'm rather busy right now".
Then the voice said, "Listen, I'll have to call you back, there's an i.d.i.o.t in the cubicle next to me answering all my questions".
A Pokemon go user walks into a bar
Because he was too busy looking at his phone to notice it
I tried to go into a restaurant playing Pokemon go.
I couldn't get in though. The servers were too busy.
If I wasn't too busy adulting...
I'd be kidding
Two blondes meet at a busy chicken market
A: If I can guess how many chickens you have in that bag, can I have one?
B: You can have both
A: Three
READ THIS OUT LOUD!
This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
This is seconds cat.
Now please go back to the top, read it again, but only the third word in each line. :P
I can't believe this happened
I was on the toilet, and shortly after I sat down I heard from the stall next door, "Hi, how are you?". Embarrassed but not wanting to be rude I said "doing fine?" Then I hear them ask "So what are you up to?". ?!?! "Um..." I said "Same as you I'd guess. Just sitting here." Then I'm completely caught off guard when asked "Can I come over?" "I'm kind of busy at the moment" Annoyed I responded. Then I hear "Listen, I'll call you back later, the idiot in the next stall is answering all of my questions."
A man collapses in a busy street.
Someome from the crowd shouts "Somebody call him an ambulance!"
Suddenly, another voice calls out "You're an ambulance!"
A man walks into the bar
But fails since he was too busy drinking through law school
Wife calls her scientist husband...
"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."
"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"
"Whats that?"
"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for some protein, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine...
It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."
"Oh dear.. I won't disturb you. Take your time.."
How do you keep Trump busy for the rest of his term?
Tell him his twitter phone is in the corner of his office.
A son asks his dad
Son: Is it true that a father will always be more knowledgeable than his son?
Dad: Of course!
Son: Who invented the light bulb?
Dad: Thomas Edison.
Son: If the father know so much more, why didn't he invented the light bulb instead?
Dad: Son, when it was lights out and dark, he was busy inventing Edison!
Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!".
So I sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy!
Why wasn't the giant squid terrorising ships last night?
He was too busy Kraken open a cold one with the buoys!
Two lumps of concrete walk into a busy bar...
They see some chairs next to a lump of tarmac, and the one goes over to sit when the other grabs him saying:
"Dude, don't sit next to him.. he's a cycle-path"
Hitler is in his Bunker
One day, Hitler is in his bunker planning his strategy for the next phase of the war when there is a knock at the door. He says "enter" and Goebbels walks in.
"What is it Goebbels? Can't you see I'm busy?!" asks Hitler, clearly irritated.
"Mein Fuhrer," says Goebbels, "I have news. The Italians joined the war today."
"No problem," replies Hitler, "send a division against them."
"Mein Fuhrer, they are on our side."
"Ah," says Hitler, "then send two divisions."
A resourceful woman...
A woman gets into a very busy restaurant around lunch time.
She is told the next available table would be free in an hour.
She holds her phone to her ear, and with a loud voice says:
"*Honey, you won't believe it, but your husband is having lunch with his girlfriend at so-and-so restaurant*"
Half the diners instantly get up and rush to the exit..
So I went into Mcdonalds and ordered some fries.
There was a chubby girl working, she seemed busy and kinda stressed out. She informed me the fries are cooking, and will be ready in about 3 minutes. I told her "no problem" and waited for my fries. After a few minutes she brought me my order and said "sorry about the wait" I said "no problem chubby, you're bound to lose it sometime".
I left three notes scattered around the house for my girlfriend.
I left three notes scattered around the house for my girlfriend. They say Will You and Me That will keep her busy whilst I watch football on TV.
A guy's boss who is traveling calls him and asks, "Is everything okay at the office?"
"Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."
"Can you do me a favor?"
"Of course, what is it?"
"Hurry up and take your shot, I'm behind you on the 7th hole."
I found a hat with £17.50 in it
I thought this other lad was going to pick it up.
But he was to busy juggling.
A high-end lawyer is leaving his car when he gets sideswiped by a passing truck.
He calls the cops and he start complaining to them about how the truck had ruin his beautiful Roles Royce. The cop looks at him and sneers, you lawyers, always so concerned about your money. You are so busy worrying about your car that you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing.
The lawyer looks at his missing arm in horror and screams, oh no, my Rolex!!
Me: You've gotta let me see a doctor, I'm shrinking!
Nurse: Well, the doctor's busy, so you'll just have to be a little patient.
Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.
A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he's calling an important client. Offer them no more than $3 million! he shouts
down the phone. And tell them that if it isn't finished by next week, they won't get a penny! After hanging up , the man says to the visitor, "Hello? Can I help you?" And the visitor replies, Yes, I'm from the phone company. I've come to connect your phone line.
I made a virtual bubble wrap to keep you all busy during quarantine. There might be some irregular bubbles, but that is normal.
>!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!Nev!< >!er !< >!Gon!< >!na !< >!Giv!< >!ve !< >!You!< >!Up,!< >!Nev!< >!er !< >!Gon!< >!na !< >!Let!< >!You!< >!Dow,!< >!n !< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!<
A Gnome.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy.
I just love mischief!
And what, may I ask, creature are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says,
"I guess I'm a gnome."
After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply!"...
The ark quickly emptied, except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.
When Noah asked them why, they replied, "We can't multiply. We're adders."
Noah, being the resourceful man he was, immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.
And he saw that it was good.
The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and the snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.
How many Nintendo fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Who knows? They're all too busy playing with the switch.
A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business.
His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!"
"I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"
A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"
The kid ignores him.
"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"
The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."
"Call of Duty, right? I told you I'd bang your mom."
A gorilla walks into a bar
He orders a beer. The bartender figures "what does a gorilla know?", charges the gorilla $50 for the beer. Gorilla pays him.
It's early, the bar is quiet, so the bartender isn't busy. He is curious, so he says to the gorilla "You know, we don't get many gorillas in here."
"At these prices, it's no wonder."
Cheaper Pub in the World
Guy walks into a pub and asks the bar man for a pint;
‟That will be $0.05 please sir .
‟Wow, in that case I will have a shot of whisky too
‟Certainly, that will be $0.03 sir .
‟Damnnn, OK and a packet of crisps .
‟0.01 please sir, $0.08 all together .
‟This is astonishing, can I speak to the owner of this place, I would like to thank him .
‟Oh, not just now, he is busy, he is upstairs with my wife .
‟...What is he doing upstairs with your wife?
‟Same thing I'm doing down here with his business .
Outside the pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching into a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle just standing there, frozen.
The pharmacist goes up to his assistant and asks: What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?
Assistant replies: Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help.
Pharmacist says: He seems to be fine now.
Assistant replies: Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market. Now he won't dare cough!
A duck is standing next to a busy road, cars are zooming by, while he waits for a break in traffic. Then a Chicken walks by and says " don't do it.. "
" .. you'll never hear the end of it "
What does a Japanese pirate say?
Nothing, he's too busy frying the prane.
Concerned when one of his most reliable workers doesn't show up, the boss calls the employee's home.
The phone is answered by a giggling child.
"Is your dad home?" the boss asks.
"Yes."
"May I speak to him?"
"No."
"Well can I speak to your mom?"
"No, she's with the policeman."
Alarmed, the boss says, "Gosh. Well then, may I speak with the policeman?"
"No. He's busy talking to the man in the helicopter that's bringing in the search team."
"My Lord!" says the boss, now really worried. "What are they searching for?"
"Me." the kid chortles.
I rang my brothers house....
...and his six year old son, Billy, answered the phone.
"Hey Billy" I said "Is your Dad there?
"Yes" he answered is a whisper. "But he's busy."
"What about your Mum?" I said
"She's busy too", he replied, but again in a whisper I could barely hear.
"What are they doing?" I asked
"They're talking to the policemen" he replied, still in a very faint whisper.
"What are the policemen doing there?" I asked
"Looking for me" he whispered
Me and the girlfriend went to the restaurant for the first time in ages.
The Waiter said, I am sorry but we are so busy tonight.
Would you mind waiting for a bit? I said no problem.
He said well take these drinks to table. 5.
Why is everyone suddenly so busy?
Like, whenever I'm free, my best friend and my wife's busy. Whenever I'm busy they are suddenly free. What's the deal?
A friendly reminder that gyms get really busy around the new year as people make their resolutions
So it's best to wait for it to die down, usually around January 2nd
My coworkers are outstanding!
But they really should get back in here, we have a busy day.
My 14 year old made me proud
I was driving them to a friend's house and we were sitting at an intersection waiting for a clear space for me to turn left. It was unusually busy for the side streets we live on and I muttered "where is all this traffic coming from?".
Without hesitation, they said "from the right".
A tear of pride may have been shed
Anyone have any good math jokes? [META]
Right now I'm busy calculating sum.
A guy runs into the doctor's office frantically yelling "I'm shrinking doc, I'm shrinking!"
Doctor replies "I am extremely busy today. You're just gonna have to be a little patient."
I went to the dog beach yesterday. Everyone was freaking out and running for their lives. I have no clue why.
I didn't have time to figure it out though, I was busy trying to find my lost dog Shark .
All the kids at daycare were wearing each other's socks today when we picked our son up
Must've been a busy trading day at the Sock Market
Source: https://jokojokes.com/busy-jokes.html
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